My Love Is Supposedly In Vain
by xXPatchesXStitchesXx
Summary: Yullen major Kanda bashing and Allen is a major emotional-teenage-girl type uke...
1. Chapter 1

I sat there, arms resting on my knees, head resting on my hands, which are (obviously) attached to my arms. I sighed and I realized that the height of the order's highest roof top was the least of my problems. 1) I had no idea how to get down, 2) I had no idea WHY I was up here, 3) I had no ide HOW I got up here in the first place, and 4) KANDA YUU.  
>"I can't get the man out of my head. Why? The hell if I know. I can't stand having him on mind 247! It's driving me crazy! All I think is Kanda this, Kanda that! Can someone PLEASE tell me WHY?" I screamed at the open sky, feeling as if I was going crazy. Then a small voice whispered to me from the back of my head. 'Maybe it's because you're in love with him.' I shook my head, trying to clear the thought from my mind. "There is no fricken way in HELL I'm in love with that self-absorbed, self-rightious bastard!" The more I tried to shake that miniscule seed from my head, the more it stuck. It was like it had sprouted roots and was trying to corupt my brain with sick fantasies. 'But what if I do?' I thought to myself in distress. My mind was spining, and I couldn't understand half of the thoughts that flew around my head. "No.." I whispered. "That can't be possible. Why would I fall for him?" I tried to push my feelings down, not wanting anyone else to know that I might have feelings for Kanda, but tears came over my eyes like there was no tomorrow. I was so confused, so scared, and abnormaly mad all at the same time. I just sat there, crying my heart out, for hours. "Allen?" A voice sounded behind me. "Is that you?" I couldn't stop crying long enough to answer her. "What's wrong, Allen?" Lenalee came and sat next to me, a worried air about her. "Allen? You can tell me what's wrong, if you want, that is." She said shyly. I managed to shake my head, still crying for god knows what reason, and making myself feel like a heartbroken teenage girl. I leaned on her shoulder, trying to cease the endless cascades of tears, but failing miserably. After awhile, the tears started to slow enough so that I could speak. "I'm sorry, Lenalee..." I managed to spit out weakly as she turned too me. "Sorry for what?" I could tell I was blushing behind my coat of still-flowing tears, but i couldn't care less at the moment. "For letting you see me like this. I hate when people watch me cry, so I'm sorry." She looked at me, her face tensed with worry. "It isn't like you did anything wrong, right? Why are you crying, anyway?" I shook my head, unable to find the words to explain all my might-be feelings to Lenalee. "It's...Complicated." Even though I could tell she was bursting with questions, she didn't pry, and I was very thankful for that. It took a little bit longer for the tears to stop completely, and I was very embarrased that Lenalee had seen me like this. I turned to her, my eyes pleading. "PLEASE, don't tell any one about this! I'm begging you not to!" I couldn't believe how childish I sounded, but I couldn't have people knowing that I sat on the roof crying all day and half the night. She giggled like a little girl at this. I could tell just by looking at her that she liked me, and I felt so bad for her. "Lenalee, I need to tell you something, but I aslo need you to promise not to tell anyone, alright?" She stopped laughing at my serious tone and responded quickly. "I promise not to tell. What is it?" I looked down, trying to piece togther the strenght and the words to tell her with. "Well, you see...I, ummm..." I stuttered, my face turning as red as the flames of hell."I-I'm g-g-gay." Lenalee laughed again. "I knew that, silly!" I stared at her, truly and utterly dumbfounded. "How? Who else knows?" She shrugged. "I could just tell. I didn't tell anyone, though, because I thought that if you didn't tell us, you didn't want us to know." I wrapped her in a tight hug and gave her a small peck (of friendship) on the cheek. She blushed as she stood up and grabbed my hand, forcing me into a standing position. "Come on!" She exclaimed, grinning. "Let's go back inside! I promised Kanda and Lavi I'd join them for a game of cards!" I stiffened at the thought of Kanda, and for some strange reason my heart ached like hell. "Lenalee?" I asked. My voice was shaking, and I was on the verge of tears again. "Hm?" Said Lenalee, pausing and turning around to face me. "D-does Kanda r-really h-hate me as m-much as he s-says he d-does?" My voice was barely a whisper, and I was too upset to be suprised that she heard me. "Allen," She said softly. "Do you like Kanda? As in love-like?" I shook my head, obviously in denial. "No. I-it's just not possible. I can't be in love with him! I can't! But," I said, the tearsstarting to drip down my cheeks again as I fell to my knees. "If I do l-l-l-love Kanda and he still h-hates me, I don't know what I'm going to do." Lenalee kneeled down, wraping her arms around me and rubbing my back as I sat and cryed on her shoulder. "Shhhhhh, Allen, it's alright. I don't think he hates you. It's alright, okay? Just go up to him and ask him, or, if you want, I'll come with you, alright?" I nodded, trying to stop crying, and suceding this time. As Lenalee lead me to the exit on the rooftop, it was painfully silent. I was stumbling along on the suprisingly dark stairway, which wound down the side of the building. As we got closer to the ground, searchlights became visible. "Shit." I mumbled under my breath. My face was still bright red, and I bet you anything that my eyes were puffy and raw. As we got to the bottom of the cast iron stairs, Lenalee called out to the other groups. "Hey, Guys! Over here, I found him!" As people started gathering around us, I could pick out the familliar faces pushing their way to the front of the crowd. Lavi was dragging Kanda behind him, forcing him to see the me. Because they got to us first, I took a step towards Kanda and Lavi, my legs trembling. When Lavi finally let Kanda go, I took another small step towards them, feeling small and insignifigant next to all the people gathered around me. "K-Kanda, d-do you h-hate me?" I asked hesitantly, my face flushing a deeper red than before. Kanda glared at me in annoyace, and I could already tell what his answer was going to be. "Yes." He spoke simply and bluntly, and it felt as if he was tearing my heart out and thourghly burning to the point that it was nothing but ashes (after stomping on it and crushing it into hundereds of pieces.). I just stood there as Lenalee walked up and slaped him across the face. "What the hell was that for, Lenalee?" Kanda asked indignantly. "Can't you tell he likes you?" She screamed at him, her face only inches away from his. "Now look what you've done!" I heard her scream as I ran away, tears swarming my eyes. "What if he goes and offs himself because of you? You won't feel so high-and-mighty then, will you?" I heard the soft thud as Kanda fell to the ground in shock, and the loud smacks everyones shoes made as they ran after me. I ran faster, ignoring them as they called my name over and over. I heard a single set of footsteps running towards me as everyone else stopped, their breathing harsh.  
>I ran faster, heading blindly for a close forest. The footsteps followed my deep into to forest, and I could hardly breath anymore. I forced my feet to keep running, tearing away from the footsteps that were speeding up. I began to tumble as my foot snagged on the edge of my foot, sending me down a steep hill. I winced in pain as I heard my ankle snap, but when I reached the bottom of the slope, I tryed to keep running. My ankle gave underneath me and I plummeted down towards the ground. I could see my arm bending into an akward position right before I landed on it, causing it to snap like my ankle. "Allen?" Called a shockingly concerned voice. "Allen, can you hear me? Allen!" I lifted my head up as much as possible to find the source of the voice. K-Kanda?" I called out hoarsly, my voice raw from sobbing. Kanda raced down the hill with inhuman speed, coming up right next to me. "Are you okay?" His voice was worried, and that shocked me, but I shook my head all the same. "What hurts?" He asked, histeria creeping into his usually calm tone. "My arm and ankle are both broken." I told him. " I can't walk, I already tried." I was shocked as his hand struck my face. "You complete idiot! Can you not see how many people care about you?" He screamed at me, obviously livid. My eyes spread wide as he kissed me angerly, but with passion. 'Kanda. Just. Kissed. Me.' Was all I could think as he yelled at me again. I blushed like hell, my broken limbs momentarily forgotten and my inner desires disgusting me. "Kanda?" I said softly, interupting his lecture. "What?" He snapped, still pissed. "Could you...Kiss me again?" <div> 


	2. Chapter 2

I pretended to be asleep as Kanda walked up, to embarrassed to talk to him. 'Did I really say that?' I couldn't help but blush at the fact of what I had said the previous night. I blushed even more when Kanda's warm hand ruffled my hair. "I know you aren't sleeping, beansprout." He said, his voice teasing. I stiffen, my breathing catching in my throat. I really didn't want to talk to him, but right now, I guess I don't have much of a choice.  
>"H-hey, K-K-Kanda." I said, stuttering as my words from the previous night still swarmed around like bees, pestering and annoying. 'Could you kiss me again...I just can't believe I said that to him! I wonder if its possible to die of embaressment...'<br>My face flushed even redder and my eyes shot open as his lips brushed softly against my scratched cheek. "W-what?" was all I could spit out as I tried to cover my blushing face in the abnormaly fluffy pillow. I shivered in extacsy as his tounge worked its' way down my neck and onto my exposed back.  
>"K-Kanda!" I said, trying to supress the moan of pleasure that was attempting to fall past my lips. "S-to-" I had to clamp my mouth shut to stifle another moan as his fingers traced lines all around the small of my back. I subconciously arched my back, the pleasure I was feeling becoming more evident to everyone else (Even though we were the only ones in the room.). I had to hold my breath as Kanda sat ontop of me, his jean-clad legs straddling my half-covered hips. "Kanda! Stop! I don't wan-" I was cut off by a moan that managed to escape my lips, and I could feel Kandas' breath on my ear as he leaned towards it, making my heart beat faster as his voice echoed through my ear.<br>"Your voice is telling me to stop," He said as my back arched once again in pure pleasure."But your body is telling me to do whatever I please." I hated that my body reacted this way towards him, even when I just wanted him to get off of me.  
>"Child molester." I muttered under my breath and he bit my earlobe, causing me to moan louder.<br>"What did you just call me?" His voice was seductive, and I rolled my hips into his again. "A child molester." I said once again, more clearly this time. He laughed, his tounge tracing routes out on the side of my face, making shivers of pleasure run down my back.  
>"At this point, I highly doubt that it would be molestation if I screwed you here and now." His words made me want him and despise him at the same time. 'I can't believe I'm falling for this guy.' I thought inwardly. 'He doesn't respect my personal space, and everytime he's seen me since last nights' request, he can't keep his hands (or tounge) to himself. He rubbed himself against me, causing mmy lower area to stiffen in pleasure, even though I tried to keep it from doing so.<br>"Just let me be, please. Kanda, just get off of me and leave me alone. Please don- Ahhhh!" His hand grazed my lenth, causing me to gasp in shock and reluctant joy. "So you like that, don't you?" I tried to shake my head, but his hand grasped my shaft and gave it an experimental rub, causing my hips to rock and my hair to splay out every where as I threw my head back in a loud moan that echoed through the room and sounded alot like 'Kanda'. "I thought so." He said, fisting me some more. "K-Kanda!" His named echoed through the large room, and moans kept eminating from my body. I could tell that Kanda was loving my condradicted protests, and I kept them coming.  
>"S-stop! Pl-please!" My voice was shaking and I could tell Kanda knew I was using all of the concious will had to prevent from telling him to just suck me already.<br>"You're pretty hard for someone whos telling me to stop my erotic actions." Said Kanda teasingly, pumping my hardened erection faster and with more pressure, forcing me to say his name in leisure-filled pleasure. I snapped out of my protests, moaning estatic pleasure. "Just tell me to suck you already. We both know you want it." I shook my head, even though I knew I did. He shrugged and got off of me, closing the door quietly behind him, but not before making a shocking remark.  
>"You were only going to be my sex toy, anyway. You really think I'd fall for you, Allen? You're even more of an idiot than I first thought." "What's wrong with me?" My voice was shaking as I cried.<br>"What's wrong?" I jumped as Lavi spoke, wincing as my arm moved. "W-where'd y-you come from, L-Lavi?" He shook his head in mock frustration.  
>"Over the rainbow. The door was open, baka-chan." I was still crying, and Lavi looked at my tear streaked face..<br>"Well, what did Kanda do to you?" He asked, seeing as he could read me like an open book.  
>I said nothing, crying taking up to much of my air. "What did he do?" Asked Lavi asked once again, not letting the subject drop.<br>"H-he s-said t-t-that I w-wa-wasn't going t-to b-be anyt-thing bu-but a-." I was crying so hard that I couldn't finish the sentence. "Allen, seriously, what the hell did he say to you to make you like this?" Lavi's voice was harsh now, and I recoiled, still unable to speak.  
>"Allen! Tell me, dammit!" He was getting mad now, and I couldn't blame him, but I couldn't find the words to describe the twisted laughter, the malevolence, the demenor, the ice, the hatred, the coldness, the discrimitaion in Kanda's voice as he said the comment that forced me to sit like this, heart torn up into so many pieces that I felt as some of them would never be found, crying harder than I ever had in my life.<br>'I hate that bastard. I hate him. I hope he dies. I hope he dies. I hope he dies. I want him to die. I want him to die. I want him to die a slow, painful death so I can laugh at him, just like he laughed at me. Cruel, sick, twisted laughter.'  
>"ALLEN! Don't make me go get Kanda and force him to tell me AFTER I bring him back in here!" Lavi was pissed, and I thought he would actually go and get the man I now thought of as the satan himself.<br>"P-p-p-ple-ase d-d-don't b-b-b-b-b-b-ring t-t-t-t-t-that m-m-m-man an-ywhe-re n-ne-a-a-r m-m-me." I managed to choke out, barely more than a whisper.  
>"So I was right, you don't want to see him. Seriously, what did he say to you?" Lavi's voice was softer now, and it made me want to tell him everything, if only I could find the words. I wanted to tell someone, anyone, about everything, how I was thinking about letting my entire life spill away from me if I could feel better as it did, or how I feel in love with Kanda the first time he spoke to me (Even though he looked like he wanted to kill me.) "Please stop crying, Allen. He couldn't have said something that bad." Lavi was obviously trying to coax me into revealing what Kanda had said, and I snapped at him unintentionaly.<br>"How would you feel if the person you were in love with said you weren't going to be anything more than a sex toy, right to your face?" I screamed at him through my tears, the pain in my chest unbearable.  
>"He said that to you?" Asked Lavi, shocked and pissed at the same time.<br>I nodded, once again sobbing to hard to speak.  
>"Do you want me to go get Lenalee?" He asked, not sure how to comfort me.<br>"What about - Oh my God, Allen, what's wrong?" Said Lenalee as she came into the room with a plate of food.  
>"That bastard Kanda told him he's nothing but a sex toy to him." Said Lavi quietly, not wanting to make me more upset than I already was.<br>"What? Just wait untill I get my hands on him..." She turned to me, her voice softening.  
>"Are you alright, Allen?" She asked, empathy brewing behind the now worried features of her face. I shook my head, feeling guilty because I told the truth.<br>"Why would he be okay? Think, Lenalee! The person he's in love with basicly told him that he didn't hold a place in his heart and he was nothing more than a hoe or a prostitue. How would you feel? Would you be 'alright' or 'okay'?" Lavi screamed at her, drawing in attention from near by people.  
>I wanted nothing more than to curl up and die, seeing as that was most likely the least painfull thing for me to do. <div> 


	3. Chapter 3

I limped around the order, still not well enough to leave. It had been a little over a month since that night, and I still wanted to cry when I thought about it. I could tell people were worried about me, for the gazes that settled were those of suspisions cast opon everyone because of my mood. It's not like I asked to feel this way, though. Do you know what it feels like to have to have your heart shattered, hit by a truck, burnt, and then the ashes thrown right back in your face? well, that's what I feel like. Sorry, let me rephrase that. That's what I have felt like for the past 35 days.  
>"Moyashi?" said a painfully fammiliar suprised voice as I walked into a room blindly. I practicly froze in terror, and I couldn't control the tears.<br>"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, I was just walking. Please, just leave me be."I did a 360 on my good foot and began to limp as fast as I could. The fact that I wanted to crumple to the ground and die didn't help my already slow pace. The tears became worse as I heard him follow me. "Please, leave me alone." I tried to speak without portraing the pain I was feeling in my chest, but my voice shook and pain was pulsating through each and every word. I didn't want tlo talk to him. It was to painful. What if I trusted him again, and then he demolished my soul once again? I don't think I'd be able to take the world if that happened.  
>"Moyashi, stop. I need to speak with you." His voice was colder than ice, and it caused me to stop in my tracks. I turned to him, unable to prevent the tears from flowing.<br>"Can't you just let me be? Haven't you hurt me enough? Would you be satisfied if I told you I'm thinking about suicide?" I said in a soft, shaky voice. His gaze went frigid.  
>"What did you just say?" He said, voice brewing with red-hot rage. I was shaking uncontrolably now, and my legs collapsed from under me. I backed myself against a wall as Kanda stormed closer.<br>"If you so much as think about killing your self one more time, I will peronaly come and murder you." He said through his teeth, glaring like a wild bull who had locked on a target. I nodded, trying to inch away from him, but he slammed his foot in front of my path.  
>"Don't think this means anything, Moyashi. I still hate your scrawny guts." The black chasim of despair and depression in my chest grew with each of his words. He removed his foot and walked away, leaving me crying in the middle of the corridor. I forced myself to my feet, only willing myself to get back to my room, and away from all the attenion a crying teenage boy can get (AN: Which, by the way, is alot.). I ignored Lenalee when she asked me what was wrong. I could tell that she knew the answer just looking at the way I had come. I also tried to ignore her when she said 'Kanda.', but the void in my chest grew bgger. It was too much. Couldn't take it. I forced my self to place much more presure on my ankle than I was allowed, which let me go faster. It hurt, yeah, but it wa only a little farther untill I could escape it all. I just had to make it to my room.<br>When I got there, I slammed my door shut and locked it behind me. After a minute or two, I could hear Lenalee pounding on the door and trying to open it, but I couldn't careless. I couldn't take it anymore. I just couldn't. So I decided to end it. It wasn't like anyone other than Lavi and Lenalee would miss me, anyway. especialy not Kanda. In fact, he'd probably cheer when he found out. Ending it all would be worth it. I just wanted to die. I walked over to the window and threw it open, looking out at the rickety old fire escape. I flung myself out of the window, landing precariously on the edge that faced the end of the cliff and the nothingness behind it. I walked closer to the edge, sat down, and let me feet hang off. At the same time, Lenalee cracked open the door and lept out the open window.  
>"Allen, no!" she screamed as I looked back at her blankly, and tossed myself over the edge. <div> 


	4. Chapter 4

I shrieked in pain as I moved. Wait, moved? My eyes shot open, revealing a room full of people that were looking at me intensely.  
>"Allen, thank god you're finally awake!" said Lenalee as she rushed towards me. I moved my head a fraction of an inch so that I could see her better as I spoke..<br>"Why am I alive?" I asked Lenalee in a monotone voice. She took a step back, definetly not thinking that would be the first thing out of my mouth.  
>"You've been in a coma since you fell, which was around two months ago, Allen." She said, obviously ignoring my question.<br>"I didn't fall, Lenalee. I jumped. I want to di-" I cut off my sentence as my eyes strayed towards the window. Then I came the panic. The tears came again, and with them the pain in my heart. It was so painful I wished I had died.  
>"Allen? What's wrong? Allen?" Said Lenalee franticly, eyes huge with worry.<br>"W-why? W-why is h-he h-he-re? G-get him o-out. P-p-please." I begged through my tears. It hurt to see him. I couldn't take it. That's why I jumped in the first place. She turned and saw Kanda leaning on the window watching me. As she ushered him out of the room, he looked back at me, and there was an unmistakable flash of genuine pain in his eyes. He stalked off without a word, leaving me broken and helpless once again.  
>"Allen, calm down! He's gone now!" said Lavi as he looked down at me. I tryed to stop sobbing, but that proved impossible. The pain was still there, and my heart throbbed. I hated feeling so small, so insagnifigant, so stupid.<br>"I-I c-can't c-ca-lm d-down. I-it h-hurt-s." I sobbed, What ever was left of the shread of dignity I had left poured away with my tears. In a blurred frenzy, I found that I could move one of my arms. I did whatever I could think of to stop my life. People tryed to restrain me as I tore I.V.'s out of my arms and trashed around like a fish out of water.  
>"Why can't you people just let me die?" I screamed, flopping down onto the bed as my strength sapped away. I was still sobbing, but now they were more tears of frustration. "I don't want to be alive! Can't you see that?" "Allen, why do you want to die so badly? If you give me a proper reason, I won't save you next time." said Lenalee, eyes huge.<br>"Because I can't take life anymore. You don't understand how much it hurts to go through every single day knowing the one you're in love with hates you. Every minute feels like a pain-filled hour. You begin to despise yourself. You begin to despise life. You don't want to go on living. You don't have the strength to. Every waking moment is filled with pure agony and you can't sleep or eat. You can barely force yourself to move. Is that good enough of a reason?" I spoke dryly, my eyes obviously pits of despair and agony. Lenalee looked horrified, and nobody else in the room could belive that had just come from my mouth. I felt a small bit of satisfaction as the shock spread over their faces.  
>"But Al-" Lenalee began before I interupted her.<br>"Please, just let me die. Please." I begged, my heart throbbing even more as my thoughts strayed to Kanda. The I realilized something. There was pain in his eyes. He didn't want to leave. He was worried about me.  
>" Lenalee, how many times was Kanda here while I was unconcious?" I asked softly, a thought blooming in my mind. She looked puzzled, but she answered.<br>"Everyday. He was here everyday." She said solidly.  
>"Are you sure? Absolutely positive?" I asked, my voice soft once again. She cocked her head in confusion, but answered me all the same.<br>"Yes. Why?" I struggled to sit up and push my feet over the edge of the bed. "Woah, Allen, what the hell do you think you're doing?" said Lavi as I pushed myself to my feet. I swayed as dizzyness came over me, but I caught my balance before I could fall.  
>"I have to find him." I said, making my way towards the door on shakey legs. I broke into an unsteady run as they tried to stop me. Twisting through the hallways, I looked for Kanda. Then I saw him. "Kanda!" I called, racing towards him on my still unsteady legs.<br>"Moyashi?" He said in suprise as I reached him. The sound of my hand striking his face echoed through the mostly empty lounge, and he looked at me in shock.  
>"What the hell was that, Moyash-" I cut him off before he could finish his sentence, my lips pressing softly against his. He pressed his lips closer, and then we broke apart. I rested my head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around me.<br>"Please, stop lying to me, Kanda. It hurts, you know. Just admit that you love me as much as I love you." I said softly, and he grunted. I looked up at him to find half embarrassed, half angery bluish black eyes stairing down at me. Then he slapped me. I only staired up at him, wide eyed, hand pressed to the stinging side of my face.  
>"Never, and I mean never, try to kill yourself again." He said harshly, pulling me closer to him. The only thing holding me up now was his arms, for me legs went limp underneath me. He looked downwards, worry plain on his face.<br>"Are you alright?" He asked, looking at my limp legs. I pressed my lips to his once again, relishing the taste of his lips. "I'm okay, I just over-exerted myself that's all." I smiled wearily up at him, a sudden wave of exausation washing over me. I felt my eyes closing as I leaned against his chest. His large hand brushed through my hair as he sat down on a sofa, pulling me down with him.  
>"I love you." I said, me voice slurring as I fell asleep on his lap. I could feel him smiling down at me as he said:<br>"I love you, too, Moyashi." 


	5. Chapter 5

I chewed the inside of my bottom lip nervously as I looked warily around the corner for Kanda. Today was our second anniversary, which meant that our promise would dissapate today. When I had awoken from where I had fallen asleep on Kanda's lap two years ago, he kissed me and promised not to sleep with me or touch me inappropriatly for two years. That promise was gone today, which means he's probably going to want to fuck me senseless. Don't get me wroung, I do want it, but I'm a bit nervous. After all, I am a virgin...  
>I jumped fifty feet in the air as muscular arms wrapped around my waist. I already knew who it was.<br>"Kanda!" I exclaimed, and he turned me around to face him. I saw his bedroom door, open and inviting, behind us and realilized that my asumption was correct. He backed up swiftly, dragging me behind him and slamming the door shut. I was on the bed below him in under thirty seconds, and he pressed his lips feverently to mine. I instinctivly kissed him back, my face growing red as I felt my cock stir. He pulled away from the kiss, a thin throng of saliva connecting my mouth to his.  
>"Today is our second anniversary." He whispered in my ear, his tounge flicking sensualy against my earlobe. My face became flushed as I squirmed beneath him. "You know what that means, don't you?" I nodded, and his tounge traced a path along my neck, causeing me to squirm even more. I could feel my cock begin to harden, and I reached up and pulled the tie out of Kanda's hair, causing it to spill out all over the two of us like a bluish-black water fall, cascading over his shoulders and making him hotter than ever. "T-today you can t-take me." I stuttered as he ade it so we were looking straight into each others eyes. I felt as if I could get lost in them, the pools of chocolate brown that were entrancing me. He pressed his lips to minbe again, but softly, lovingly this time. He lifted his head and we didn't exchange more than a glance before I pulled his head back down to kiss me passionately. His tounge made it's way into my mouth, muffeling the moans that were trying to escape from both of our mouths. his hands traveled under my shirt, twisting and rubbing my now erected nipples. I wanted him now. So badly I couldn't stand it. I pushed his face away from mine, my eyes half narrowed in innocent lust. "Please, Kanda." Was all I managed to say, my face flushed and my cock painfully hard. His hands lifted my shirt over my head with one swift, practiced movement, exposing my erectede nipple to the cool air. I found myself wondering how many times he had done this before, but his tounge met the soft pink bud and pleasure drowned out my thoughts. He licked around, teasing me. He brought his hand up to the other and began to squeeze it. Almost instantly after wards, he bagan to suck at the nipple he had been licking. When that nipple was fully erected and coated with his saliva, he moved to the other. His hands slid downwards and rubbed my erection, causing me to gasp and throw my head back. The friction made pre-cum began to seep out of me, and he ripped down my pants, throwing them for lornly to the floor. His mouth soon meet y chest once again and trailed down my feminine body, tracing lines around my naval before dipping his tounge into it. I moaned loudly, and he went lower. I realilized that the only thing separating us was my dove gray boxers as he stripped his own clothes off. He teasingly began to slowly shimmy my boxers down over my legs, and I bucked my hips, begging for friction. His hands trailed up and down my shaft, only lightly tapping and grazing to see my reaction. I whimpered, my cock so painfully hard. I whimpered again, my hips bucking upward and grinding our naked erections together. The feeling made me gasp, and I felt pleasure raking through my body. Drool began to seep out of the corner of my mouth, and my eyes were so clouded with want and need that I could barely see.<br>"Kanda..." I moaned softly, grinding our hips together again. I needed to release. My virgin body was acting strangely to this over-whelming pleasure, causing me to whimper some more.  
>"Please..." I begged, all sanity and pride lost. He smirked and licked at the tipp of my cock, causing me to arch my back, slamming my dick into the back of his throat. The pleasure over-road me, my cum spilling out into Kanda's mouth. It was blurry as I bucked and moaned and whimpered, but it felt sooo good. I laid there, squirming and panting, all hot and bothered beneath him, and I saw what was coming next as my vision began to clear and I spotted Kanda sucking on his own fingers. When he brought them out of his mouth, they were coated wth a thick layer of saliva. He used his free hand to push my legs towards my chest so that he had a clear veiw of my entrance. I winced and whimpered as he stuck them in one by one and started trusting. I saw pleasure filled stars when his fingers brushed against my prostate. I winced again as the fingers were replaced by a larger mass. The pressure was almost unbearable as Kanda moaned and grunted, forcing his way into my tight, virgin hole. I felt him go deep inside of me, and I whimpered loudly in pain.<br>"I-it hu-urts K-Kanda... So badl-" I was cut off by a scream of pain as he thrust sharply into me. "Kanda... I can't d-" I clamped my lips down on another scream. The lust was gone now, replaced by a constant flame, burning and tearing me up. The tears welled up in my eyes and spilled over quickly, frissions of pain racking up my spine with every thrust Kanda gave. It didn't feel good anymore. It hurt way too much. The breath was knocked out of me before I could catch it, and I was gasping wildly for air, my lungs heaving. I felt Kanda swell and spill inside of my, and I let out an agonizing wail. His swelled dick streched me so much that the previous pain was more like a bugbite. I could feel the bruises forming where he had grasped my hips, and I curled up around myself, pain eminating from every move I made. Kanda wrapped his arms around my torso, to exausted to realilize I was sobbing. It hurt so badly. I thought I was going to die. Maybe I did, because after that, everything went black. 


	6. Chapter 6

I shivered as cold air sprung forward to meet my exposed body, the place beside me where he slept long empty. I lifted the sheet and looked down at my petite frame, whitnessing for the first time the bruises and bitemarks covering my pale skin. There was a dull ache around my ass, but that was given factor after what we had done. I winced as I shuffled slowly to my feet, every movement sending small shocks of pain through out my body. Gasping in pain as I bent to pick up my discarded clothes, I instantly dropped to my knees.  
>'God, is it supposed to hurt like hell while AND after it happens?' I thought hastily to myself, biting my lip to conceal another gasp as I rose. Slipping on my wrikled clothes carefully, I headed out of the bland room, limping slghtly as I headed to the cafeteria. Surprisingly, I wasn't hungry, but I knew my friends would worry if I didn't at least show up. Walking slowly, the limp mostly under control now, I headed into the cafe, spotting Lavi and Lenalee right away.<br>"Allen!" Lenale called, waving. I faked a smile as I aproached, wavin back at her.  
>"Where have you been, man? We thought you might have fallen down the stars or something!" Exclaimeed Lavi as I sat down, stifling a gasp as I pressed myself into the seat. I laughed half-heartedly, trying to hide my discomfort. "Sorry, guys. I just woke up..." I said softly, wincing as I shifted a bit in my seat. They looked at me questionably, as if they were confused. I looked back at them, indifferent to why the were puzzled.<br>"Why are you guys staring at me like that?" I asked, cocking my head in confusion.  
>"Well, umm... Aren't you going to eat? Usualy, you get food before coming to sit with us." Said Lavi, his eeyes searching my for any sign of illness.<br>"Oh, that. I'm not very hungry, today..." I said, my voice trailing off as I spotted Kanda making a beeline for me. My fake smile brightened, just as my usual smile would when he was around.  
>"Kanda!" I exclaimed in false excitement, gasping in pain out loud as I jumped up instantly. "Allen?" Said Kanda, eyes narrowing as he beckoned to me with his finger. I reluctantly made my way over to him, trying to conceal my limp as much as possible.<br>"Yes, Kanda?" I asked, my smile a little too bright.  
>"You're able to move without pain? Even though that was your first time?" He said in a hushed whisper. My smile disapeared.<br>"No. Not in the least. Infact, it's excrutiating just to stand here." I answered with a hiss of pain as another jolt went through my body.  
>"Then why aren't you resting? Or at least not walking around!" He said, concern for me flooding his voice. " I don't want you to be in any more pain then you have to be in, Allen. Just go lay down."<br>"No, then everyone will worry! Lenalee and Lavi are already suspicious because I'm not hungry, I can't make it any worse!" I said, a bit of anger flooding into my voice.  
>"Would you rather be immoblized for a few days and have to explain to everyone why? Go lay down be for you attract any unwanted attention!" He asked, anger boiling into his voice as well. I gasped and my hands flew out to grab Kanda as I shruged and my knees gave out from the pain it created. He gasped, grabbing me and pulling my into an upright position. People were begining to gather around us now, which was not good.<br>"Sorry." I said, rubbing the back of my head apoligeticly. "I was feeling a bit faint." I gasped and winced as Kanda picked me up bridal style and glared at me.  
>"That's it, I'm taking you to the infirmary." He said, glaring daggers at me. As we walked, he purpously jostled me, bringing me nearly to tears. "I told you to lay down before you attracked any unwanted attention." He growled, still glaring. Instead of turning towads his room like I thought he would, He went and seriously dropped me off at the infimary.<br>"Head nurse, he's feeling faint and practicly collapsing." Reported Kanda as he set me down, my arm wrapped around his neck for support. She directed Kanda to a bed and instructed the glaring man to set me down there. He abruptly turned and headed out, leaving me to myself as the nurse walked away. Sighing, I thought to myself, 'This is going to be a long day...' 


End file.
